My Little Babblebox

What's happened?

Why is everything so fucked up for so many people right now?

I don't get it. I'm not sure how much more we can collectively handle. Educationally, mentally, socially. Nothing's working out, and we're all so very tired of having everything come up zero at every turn.

I realize that this isn't really a helpful thing to post on, but damnit, I can't think of anything else. There ISN'T anything else; I feel like we've all hit rock bottom and are starting to dig.

I feel that the one reason we're all still alive is each other.

I'd like to take a minute, and thank everyone who reads this, who knows what I'm talking about, for being you. Thank you for being you, as corny as it sounds; I don't know how any of us would survive without each other. San Luis Obispo folks: you guys rock. Folsom gal: much gratitude. Chico guy: you still rule.

Yeah, I'm sappy. It's cheesy. I know all that. But honest to god, I feel it's true. I love all you guys.

Goodnight to all.

Control.

It's all about control.

So long as you're in control, you can do nearly anything, because you can see what's coming, and how to deal with it. The experience we call life is all about controlling what you've got, dealing with what comes, and being ready for whatever gets thrown at you next.

I'm losing control.

I don't know how, or why, or anything. I'm slipping. It's fast becoming too much to handle, too many failures, too much ground to make up.

I'm scared.

Too tired of everything to even bother bitching. New rule(as if you couldn't guess): no more chocolate near my laptop. EVER.

Reflections on a Tournament of Wonders:

Holy Crap I can be good when I want to.

Holy Crap is Alex good.

Holy Crap I placed in a tournament.

Holy Crap is Maxx Unlimited Shuffle hard.

Holy Crap Karaoke Revolution is fun.

Holy Crap I didn't think I had that much energy.

Holy Crap am I tired.

G'night all, perhaps more tourney-speak in the morning, when my legs, eyes, head, and vocal cords have life in them again. Peace!

WARNING: empty random bitching.

I don't know why I'm writing right now. I guess it might be therapeutic or something. God knows I need it.

Why do I bother setting goals? All it's doing is hurting. I told myself I'd work harder, do better in school. I'm working harder, but getting the same damn results. All the studying in the goddamn world is for naught when you fucking freeze up walking to the goddamn test. For most, that's a bad dream. I live it at least once a quarter. AT LEAST. I'm surprised I've even managed to stay at this school.

All this is is empty bitching at nobody again. I should be keeping this crap to myself; after all, it's my goddamn problem.

Shutting up now.

Sometimes, it simply amazes me how the right music can take a small shred of feeling and magnify it. That's why there are days that start fast and stay fast, and then there are days like this. I don't even know what it is-just that it feels right. Seems to be a constant in everyone I know right now-

Sometimes you just need to cry. To nobody, about nothing. I don't know.